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Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself, by Shahida Arabi
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Product details
Paperback: 524 pages
Publisher: CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform (July 29, 2016)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 152370246X
ISBN-13: 978-1523702466
Product Dimensions:
6 x 1.2 x 9 inches
Shipping Weight: 1.8 pounds (View shipping rates and policies)
Average Customer Review:
4.6 out of 5 stars
371 customer reviews
Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#3,133 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
This is an excellent book about narcissism and narcissistic abuse. It covers a lot of ground and is helpful for those of us who have suffered at the hands of these evil monsters. The title seemed to me to be "revenge" seeking, but it is not. The book is focused on education of how the victim has been hooked and made to be trapped and how to heal once you get out. There are a number of typos and some of the content appears to be a cut and paste job from other writings. I hope the author will clean these issues up and that would help to make this book a tremendous reference worthy of strong professional use as well as for the victims.
All I kept saying to myself during my read of this book was "Holy Crap!!!" And I'm only through a quarter of the book!! I'm tempted to call my narc husband and tell him that someone wrote his biography, because this book reads like HIS PLAYBOOK!! My gut kept telling me all along something was wrong, but since my husband is real good at maintaining the facade of caring, and an expert at downplaying my feelings and doling out the intermittent presents, I had a hard time reconciling the 'caring' facade with the cold sadistic attitude. This author shows why I and you are targeted by narcissists (being successful, and/or empathetic), and how your best qualities are used against you by the twisted narc. I really was feeling stupid after wasting years on a narc spouse, but in truth, the reason I was used is because I'm a good person and therefore a predator narc's primary target for abuse. The author also gives a list of red flags to identify a narc, so you don't waste time on them ever again. Of course there are strategies to deal with any narc that is currently in your life. I would encourage anyone who is in a relationship, even a familial relationship, in which you feel something is wrong, but you can't quite pinpoint the cause....READ THIS BOOK!! You may just find the answer to your confusion and pain...I'm not done reading this book yet, but one thing I can already clearly understand....any narcissist or borderline personality disorder type person who reads this book is going to HATE it....because it EXPOSES them!!!
I have read 50+ books on narcissistic personality disorder, narcissistic abuse, domestic abuse, trauma, PTSD, etc. This book is one of the best. Ms. Arabi is an excellent, thorough and insightful researcher and journalist. She lays the groundwork for recovery by explaining the impact of narcissistic abuse, synthesizing those truths with provocative insights from leading scholars and then offering practical suggestions and methods of recovery.This book is extremely well-documented and well-researched. Arabi not only addresses NPD and narcissistic abuse but delves into PTSD/CPTSD, citing the works of renowned experts such as Judith Herman, M.D., author of the foundational book “Trauma and Recovery,†and Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. (“The Betrayal Bondâ€). She also ties in the work of Bessel van der Kolk M.D., who in his book “The Body Keeps the Score†reveals how trauma rewires the the brain, along with dozens of other sources, both classic and contemporary.Each chapter of Arabi’s book features an impressive endnotes section as well as links to articles, podcasts and social media resources. She manages to combine all these sources into a comprehensive and revealing look at narcissistic abuse and its effects on the survivor. She then offers practical tips and alternatives for recovering from the trauma of narcissistic abuse. I was personally inspired and motivated by her creative recommendations for recovery – I even surprised myself by experimenting with the guided meditation links and redoubling my commitment to doing Zumba four times a week. And I haven’t even finished reading the book!Bravo, Ms. Arabi, and thank you! I very much recommend this book.
This is not the first book I have read on NPD. I wish this would have been the very first book I read, instead. It would have saved me of much headache and heartache. I am not finished reading this book, but I had to come in here and provide a review already. Just from the very first pages, this book has been able to help me understand my own personal situation with the narcissist in my life. A book that finally says it clearly the way it is and with sounded advise, not just for professionals in the field, but for the regular folk who has unfortunately been the victim of narcissist abuse. Because we have to call it for what it is: Abuse. I wish the courts in this country would be given this book and more education on this matter, especially when there are children involved. Courts force you to share custody with the narcissist parent when children and the former spouse should actually be allowed to keep contact to a minimum or no contact at all. In this particular case, exposure to the narcissist is not really a good idea for developing spirits and minds. Anybody who knows anything about NPD will tell you that the best thing to do is to go no contact. Other books suggest to remother the narcissist or do this or that. It does not work with these individuals because in their minds, they are always right and the whole world is conspiring against them. That's the main reason why neither the courts, nor supposed trained professionals can provide a diagnostic of NPD for those individuals because they can put a great act together for the whole world to see. By the time you realize what you're dealing with, you're already caught in their web of lies and deceive. Shahida Arabi explains all of this very clearly, in a way that anybody can understand. She has included clear examples of situations that are the "norm" for those suffering from this abuse. Anybody can see the scars left by violent physical abuse, but when it comes to emotional abuse, it is very difficult to prove in court or even to those who may be close to the victim. Shahida explains all the tools that a narcissist will use to control those around him or her. She shares her own personal and professional experience, as well as those of victims who have entrusted her with their own experience. Some reviews say that she's a bit repetitive at times. I have noticed that while reading the book. But believe me, repetition can be good to make some points, especially after you have been a victim yourself. Some things need to be repeated more than once because you have been gaslighted so much that you have trouble discerning reality from fog and you keep doubting yourself after so much abuse of this kind.For what my own personal opinion might be worth, and from the view point of someone who has suffered the abuse of a narcissist, this book is a must-read. If you're lost and you don't know where to go, you feel isolated and your gut feeling is telling you that something has to change and you don't know who to trust or where to go for help, start with this book. It will help you understand your own situation, why the narcissist in your life treats you kindly one moment to completely ignore you or put you down the next; why that person accuses you of being controlling when you feel you have absolutely no control over your life and you feel that he or she is actually controlling you, instead; you will understand where did that loving, caring, compassionate person of the early stages of your relationship has gone and why you might be now dealing with someone who doesn't even resemble that soulmate of yours; and more. I love the fact that she's been there and she's done her hard work to understand this pathology not only from a victim's stance, but from a professional point of view.I also got the Kindle version since it is free when you buy the book and I had absolutely no problems downloading it. I had noticed a few slight changes from the paper to the electronic version (I'm guessing one is a newer edition, not sure why there're these slight differences, but it seems to just be an editing thing.) But there are minimal and it doesn't affect. I love that I can read the book on my tablet or from the paper copy with no problems.I think I said enough. I could go on talking about it, but I will let the book speak for itself. Read the sneak-preview in here. If you're a victim, I'm sure you'll identify yourself even in those few pages. That's what happened to me. Only a victim can understand what I mean.
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